Tribute to Mom

Losing your mom is such a strange emotion. It’s like the world has tilted off its axis. I know so many of you have gone through this too and until it happens to you, you have no idea how you will react to such news. When mom passed away on my birthday, December 6th, it was a shock in a way, but I also had just seen that morning how bad she was getting day by day and I knew she couldn’t last much longer. I’m so thankful that God took her sooner rather than later and didn’t let her linger and suffer for days and weeks.

The last week was the roughest of all. I saw her about an hour and 1/2 before she passed that day and I’m so glad I was able to see her one last time. She knew I was there, but at that point her breathing was more labored than I had ever seen from the pulmonary fibrosis. The hospice nurses didn’t even see the end coming so fast, but I did for some reason. I left in tears that morning, as I headed to an eye appointment follow up. I even texted the hospice nurses to tell them my thoughts on the shape she was in. My words to them….she looks like she’s dying to me (we had a text thread going with the 2 hospice nurses along with Renee and Lauren). I’m not a nurse so I was looking to all of them to guide our steps. Even the Dogwood nurse who fed her lunch that day didn’t see it coming and she loved mom. Mom was one of her very favorite residents. Looking back, I think everything went as it was supposed to, in God’s timing. I got the call to come back 2 hours after I had left. I’m glad we had hospice involved, they were tuned in to trying to make her as comfortable as possible. And then she was gone. She had passed peacefully after lunch that day. It’s such mixed emotions. We wanted her out of pain, but oh how we will miss her.

We had her memorial service last Sunday, the 17th and friends and family gathered to honor this woman I call mama. It was such a dear time of celebrating her life and remembering the wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, pastor’s wife she was. She wore many hats as a mom and she did them all so well. She leaves big shoes to fill and none of us feel worthy for that role.

The service was very sweet and memorable. We asked a friend, Lynn Davis, whose family attended church at my dad’s church for years to sing 2 songs at the service and he did a wonderful  job, as always. He sang What A Day That Will Be and I’ll Be Alright As Soon as I Touch Calvary, two old hymns. Mom loved to hear him sing and he sang many special songs at church during those years. Mom and Dad have outlived all their pastor friends, so we had a bit of a quandary on who to ask to do the service. We asked another friend, Scott Johnson, who went to church there for so many years to do the eulogy for mom. He’s not a preacher, but Scott did a really nice job too and honored mom’s memory so well. He’s close to our age and met his wife at church and they got married and started their family as a part of that church. Several members of the church came to pay their respects to mom and so many of them had stories of mom teaching their Sunday School class or being in Children’s Church when she was the leader there. Mom had so many roles in that small church and she touched a lot of lives along the way. Daddy was the pastor, but she had an equally important role as the pastor’s wife.

I spoke, Lauren spoke, and her oldest two, Parker and Iris, also went up front with a tribute to mom as their great-grandmother. It was so sweet, so proud of those two! Mom always said she wanted to live long enough to meet her first great grandchild. At 95, she would live long enough to meet all 3 of them and to get to know them too. Parker and Iris will remember her forever I’m sure. Alex is a little too young, but mom sure loved all 3 of those girls so much.

Mom and Iris, her namesake. We used this picture on her obituary and at the service. That smile says it all.

Mom as a young woman. I think she’s so pretty in this picture.

Mom meeting Parker for the first time.

We will always remember mom as the baker she was, creating cakes like this coconut cake for dad and family. We loved her cakes and desserts!

And I will never forget her and my dad working so hard on my old house renovation back in 2012. They were mid-80’s then and were such hard workers. I’m forever grateful for mom and dad, they are the best.

How is Dad?

Renee and I had dinner with Dad at the Dogwood Christmas dinner this week. We missed mom being there. 

So many of you have asked how dad is doing. The short answer is, he’s doing OK, but we really don’t know how he will process her death long term. I told him the day she passed and even though he didn’t break down or get emotional, I could tell it affected him. He made comments about her and we talked about how she had been sick and we talked about her not being in pain anymore. He understands she’s gone, but I don’t know that he will remember day to day. With dementia, it’s hard to know how they will live with the death of a loved one from here on. I’ve had to remind him every time that she has passed. He doesn’t retain that. I told him on Saturday that I’d be picking him up and taking him to mom’s memorial service and I asked him twice if he wanted to go and he was affirmative that he did want to be there. We wanted to make a point of having him there so he could at least experience it, even though I’m sure he couldn’t hear any of what was said. He won’t wear hearing aids and doesn’t hear much these days. But, he was present and I hope somehow that helps him somewhat with the fact that his love of 70 years is gone from this earth. I know he’s going to miss her sweet face coming over to see him. She was always so concerned about his well being. One of the last things she told me was “take care of your daddy”. I assured her I will. He gets good care in Memory Care and I’m so glad about that. He’s content and looks forward to those 3 meals a day. He did tell me after she passed that he was a little bit lonesome there by himself. I’m not sure if he remembered she was gone or if that was a general statement. I know he is and that breaks my heart too. He doesn’t verbalize all that much. It’s so hard to watch him and know the man he used to be. I’ll be checking in with him often to make sure he’s doing good and the memory care manager has my phone number so she’s in touch if there is anything going on with him.

Daddy prayed for our meal.

Lauren did a wonderful tribute to mom and she had me crying. It was such sweet memories of a granddaughter who was so close to her grandmother. Lauren understands the important legacy that mom passed down to her, those eternal things that cannot be bought, but will forever be cherished.

I’ll share the tribute I did at mom’s service so you can get even more of a glimpse into her life well lived:

Mom’s Tribute

“No man is poor who has a Godly mother.” Abraham Lincoln

No truer words have been spoken. I certainly know the impact of a Godly mother in my life.  Mom was born to be a mother and she took that serious role on with great gusto. She was the one who dried our tears and doctored skinned knees when I was a child and that role continued all the way til now. Mom was the very best in the Motherhood department and I’m so glad that God chose me to be her daughter. No truer love is there than the love of a Mother.

Mom came from humble beginnings and was the youngest girl of 7 children. The 3 girls were the oldest and then came 4 boys. Three out of the 7 were in the ministry and that’s also a wonderful heritage to have. Mom and dad met at Southeastern Bible College, got married, and that launched their start into full time pastoring and ministry. They were pastors for 40 years and last pastored at First Assembly of God in Marietta for 28 years. They both had a long 30 years of retirement and enjoyed those years so much. Their mountain home in NC was a place of solace and rest for them both for many years, although they worked hard too, with a garden there and at their Marietta home.

I often say that we were not rich growing up, but we were rich in the things that matter. We didn’t go on fancy vacations or live in a fancy house, but the Godly heritage passed down from this mother (and father) of ours is the best gift we could have all been given. Mom lived her convictions at home and at church and what you saw in public is exactly the kind of person she was at home. She treated people with such care and compassion and was the perfect Pastor’s wife. She was a prayer warrior and we knew when we asked mom to pray for something, she was on her knees praying for us. Prayer was her answer to everything and she always pointed me to Jesus. Growing up, we heard their stories of how God has always been faithful to our family and those cherished stories will forever be with me. One I’ll always remember is then my sister, Renee, was born when our family lived in Virginia. They got a hospital bill for $200 (which was a lot back in those days). They had no idea how they were going to pay that bill, but someone dropped that exact amount in cash in the offering plate that Sunday morning. Prayers answered!

She was famous for her good cooking and cooked for so many friends and family over the years. We were spoiled growing up with her home cooking and to this day, no one can cook like my mama could cook. Preachers who used to come by for meetings at church and who would stay at our house so looked forward to the meals mom would prepare. She had so many fans of her cooking all over the place. She was a baker too and provided dad in sweets all the time they lived in their home. It was common to go by and she would be baking something delicious to feed my sweet loving daddy. Anytime I went by their house, I knew there were always leftovers in the fridge and something sweet to eat. We would never starve at mama’s house. She could stretch leftovers like nobody’s business and her leftovers were something to celebrate. Mom always wished she could have a bigger kitchen and that’s one thing that she never got. If anyone would deserve a nice kitchen, it was her, but she still managed to put out so many great meals in her small humble blue kitchen.

Mom was my biggest cheerleader in life. I had many messes to deal with over the years, but I could always count on my mama to help me pick up the pieces and get my life back together. Most recently, in 2011 after the biggest mess in my life, I moved back home with them until I could get back on my feet again. Home was the very best place to be during that time and I felt like a little girl again as I lived with them for 18 months before getting my own house once again. They helped me so much during that time and I am so grateful for the love of good parents. They both literally helped me clean and renovate the house I was able to buy and I will never forget those days. And they were in their mid-80’s at the time! Mom was such a hard working lady. She was using her blower at 90 and blowing off the driveway and carport, since my dad didn’t always do those chores to her liking. Just one look at her face and you could see immediately what she was thinking. She had “the look”. I’ll never forget wearing pants to church way back before that became common, because I had sprained my ankle and it was wrapped up. She saw me on Sunday morning in those pants, her eyes sweeping up and down and I could see the disapproval written on her face. We all wanted to please mama!

Moms are the most special people on earth. They are the first person we know and love and it was my honor to take care of mom until it was her time to go. My sister moved away 2 years ago, so most of her day to day care fell to me. We moved them to assisted living in downtown Acworth, where I live, 2 years ago and it was definitely the best decision we could have made at the time. They were 93 and 94 then and it was time for them to leave their house of 50 years. Mom lived 2 years and 2 months at assisted living and had a really good period of not having to do for others for the first time in her life. She took care of us as children and my dad as well at home for so many years and it was time for her to relax and rest. We are glad she was able to do that at assisted living. She had cleaning and laundry done for her as well as cooking and I’m so glad she got those final restful years. She even got her hair done every week, which was a treat for her. She deserved every minute of it!

I will miss her so much, but I know she is in a much better place now and we will keep her memories in our hearts forever.  Not everyone has a Godly mama like our mom and I am so thankful we were blessed with her presence for so long and because of the resurrection, I will see her again!

We had the memorial service videoed and you can see the entire hour service here if you chose to watch. You can see my tribute, Lauren’s and the girls as well. It was such a sweet service! 

Video Tribute: This video slideshow was shared at the service. I hope you all enjoy seeing it too. I recorded mom telling dad goodbye 3 weeks before she passed. It was a very sweet moment and I’m so grateful I captured it. My cousin, Denise, put the video together for us and she did a fabulous job with all the pictures and putting the audio part together. We love it and will cherish it forever!

For the entire Phil Wickham song, Hymn of Heaven, go to this link and watch/listen to it. It’s my favorite new song and perfect for a celebration of a loved one! 

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