Moving my parents has definitely consumed my time and my life and I haven’t had time for much else. So you’ll have to bear with me as I post these updates. Decorating and everything else will have to come later. I figured you all were invested in knowing what’s happening, so it has changed since last week. We’re still exhausted a week later. I guess one day we will get caught up with everything, but it’s been such a busy week, I don’t know which end is up. I’m sure that all of you who have been through moving your parents know exactly what I’m talking about. We started cleaning out their house this week too, so it’s been doubly exhausting.
I never gave you a real tour of their room in the last post so I’m adding new pics in this one. I finally got some real pics taken of the apartment.
This is the main living area for mom’s room. Moving day was October 1st. We brought this colorful rug from their dining room to add some color in here and both recliners and a side table in between with a lamp. The kitchen area is compact and we brought their microwave and coffee pot, but I doubt they will use them much.
We brought lots of family pictures to fill up this bookcase (which is homemade by my dad years ago.) It just fit this wall coming in the door.
Across from the recliners is a TV mounted on the wall and we bought this book holder piece which looks like Bombay Company to me to ground the TV. We ended up mounting it since the guys there at the facility would do that for us. Now there’s room for pictures and books.
On a side note, I had a go around with Xfinity on getting mom’s TV and land line telephone installed. As of this writing the land line is still not working, so I’ll be checking on that Monday. The TV was working the day they moved in and 5 days later as I was working my way through getting the correct phone cables to hopefully get their telephone working, I thought I was there on Wednesday night, waiting for activation so that we would get a dial tone finally, when BOOM nothing worked. I was on the phone with customer service and the girl (who barely spoke English) told me that apparently someone that was in the space before mom and dad had not paid their bill, so they cut the service off after 5 days and nothing worked. I was so frustrated. Luckily there’s a nearby store so I went in there and finally on Friday got a manager to help me. I told him what had happened to my mom. We had taken all the necessary paperwork in there to prove who she was and that she was indeed newly moved in. He finally got it all straight and the TV was working on Friday afternoon and he said the telephone should work soon, so I won’t rest until her land land is up and running. They’ve had that phone # for 50 years and she wasn’t about to let it go now!
Oh, the perils of moving!
An extra chair from their den fits in this corner. I bought a couple of those tray tables that can be moved around in case they want to eat in the room.
This gives a shot of the recliners and end table between them, just perfect for their needs. We hung lots of family pics around the room.
The bedroom is plenty spacious for their queen bed. There are two closets, a small one and larger one.
Mom’s little reading chair fits in the corner. That’s a mechanical closet behind the chair, so it doesn’t need access all the time.
Most of the clothes hang in the smaller closet, as well as shoes. There was room to slide their dresser into the closet and still have space above for shelves.
This little balcony is so cute and we took their porch furniture out there.
This is the view from their 3rd floor balcony. That’s the neighboring Holbrook, an independent living community and these 2 are owned by the same company.
The rest of these pics are bad, taken from a video but you get the idea!
This is the view right outside their room. There’s a lot of living spaces around the facility for lounging if the residents want to come out of their room or if they have company and want more space. It’s sure to come in handy.
Just down from there is this space known as the Bistro. It has ice, coffee, hot water, and snacks. There’s so many opportunities for eating, they will never go hungry.
Right across from the Bistro is this covered porch overlooking the courtyard below. My dad will enjoy these outdoor spaces for sure.
Mom in her recliner enjoying this apartment last weekend right after moving in.
Back to mom and dad. Mom is so enjoying this new way of living already. Just look at that smile. She was reading me a devotion one morning this week when I came over before lunch. I shared it on Instagram stories and everyone loved it.
So, the big change that happened over the weekend after I wrote my post last weekend. I told you all that daddy was having a hard time with the move. He was agitated and threatened to walk out and leave. He asked for his car keys and car numerous times (threatened to call the PO-lice on me and that we were all out of the will!) and we had to keep him occupied all weekend long to keep him from trying to get out. He wouldn’t have made it out from the 3rd floor anyway and didn’t even find the elevator, but it was a very stressful weekend with him being so agitated about being away from home. He would be calm about 1/2 the time and agitated 1/2 the time.
On Monday, we talked to the managers at Dogwood and it was decided by all of us that the best thing to do was to move him to memory care. They will take care of him and manage his needs over there and he’s safe and sound and can’t get out. We won’t see him for at least 2 weeks and they are keeping us posted on him almost daily. He’s gotten some new dementia meds that we hope will help calm and stabilize him so that he can settle in here as his new home. At this point we don’t know if or when he will be able to go back and join mom. Maybe, maybe not. They aren’t being super optimistic about that right now. There are other couples here who are separated and one is in assisted living and the other in memory care, so they aren’t the only ones. If he did go back with mom, it would be very difficult as his memory is so bad I’m not sure that he would ever remember how to get up and down in the elevator and certainly not by himself. Mom would have to navigate all of that for him and we really want her to enjoy her time there.
She’s already having a ball playing bingo, going to Bible study, and sittercize and we want that for her. She deserves it after taking care of daddy for 68 years. She has been a faithful devoted wife and it’s time for her to be pampered and waited on. She already looks so much happier just by moving and having all the burdens lifted from her shoulders. She’s interested in getting up and getting dressed every morning, going to breakfast and then activities. She got a new walker that is working really well and she says her back doesn’t hurt nearly as much with it, so mom is settling in so well.
(Really bad picture and I had to cut out the other people for privacy, but daddy is saying the blessing here).
We’ve had videos and pictures sent to us from memory care this week. It’s in a wing on the first floor and mom is on the 3rd floor. We won’t see him for at least 2 weeks and I have no idea what he will be like when we see him again. We know he’s been asking about mom and they distract him and keep him busy as he settled in his first week there. It’s comforting to know that he’s just in another wing and is safe. We told them to ask him to say the blessing at meals and everyone now knows that he’s a retired Pastor.
The videos we’ve received of him saying the blessing are so heart warming. That man can still pray like no one else! His prayers are full of gratitude and you know he knows Who he’s talking to. They all clap and call him Pastor now and that’s so heart warming. We were hoping that he would somehow realize that he could be a blessing in this new community of friends that surround him now. I think he will grasp that somehow even though he may never articulate it. He has a heart of gold and people have always loved his warm personality and he’s definitely a hit over there, as mom is on the assisted living side. I’m so glad that the memory care area also has a private courtyard and daddy will get to go outside and be safe. I haven’t seen it yet, but will be checking it out.
So, even if they don’t get to stay together from here on out (we will just have to see how it goes in the coming weeks and months), they can both live a good life and we can go and see dad all the time and even take him outside and out of the building when the time comes. It certainly is not what we had planned, but this is where we are. We had to do that to keep the peace. There’s no way he could stay with mom and all of us be gone, he was just too agitated to settle down on his own. We hope and pray that he comes to enjoy this new community and that he really does make friends and enjoy the people that surround him.
It’s now a part of our family and we are so enjoying getting to know the people there as well. They are so warm and friendly, the residents as well as the staff. We could not be happier with our choice of assisted living facilities and so far it’s going so well. Mom is absolutely loving it. She loves the people, the new friends, her little apartment, and the food. She raves about the food! Daddy is eating so well too and eating is his favorite thing in the world. He will get plenty of desserts there too, lunch and dinner. It really is good for mom not to have to worry about dad right now. He’s a handful and she has been worn out trying to take care of herself and him too. We’re so glad she gets a break as well.
(Sunday lunch in the dining room. If family comes in and needs more room, we can reserve this beautiful dining room for lunch).
It’s been an exhausting week to say the least, but we are filled with gratitude that they are in a safe place and happy. We have a lot more to do, but Renee and I are already starting to sell things and clean out their house getting ready to sell it in a couple of months. They won’t be going back, so it’s onward we go. We got a good start this week, but have lots more to go. That part is exhausting too, but I know we’ll make it. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes, they are definitely felt and appreciated. Of course, I’ll keep you updated along the way. As of now, they are both doing well and I wanted to share how the week went.
Terry says
Thanks so much for taking time to share an update! This whole process is exhausting on every level — physically, mentally and emotionally. But you all will survive and thrive, because God is faithful and in your weakness, HE IS STRONG.
The apartment and all the amenities are lovely, and your sweet Mom is well-deserving of peace and pampering. The memory care staff will take good care of your Daddy and I think you’ll find that he will be much more at peace there. He’ll have a daily routine and will enjoy the activities that are designed specifically for the dementia residents. The fact that your mother and family members can visit and check on him anytime is a real blessing! I used to thoroughly enjoy sitting with my father-in-law while they played Trivia and had sing-alongs.
Y’all are so blessed to be able to provide this new living arrangement for your parents. I know you’re thankful for family support, and thankful that you live such a short distance from them. May God continue to go before you and work out every detail as you navigate this (short) season.
Susan says
Your post brings up my own memories of my mother’s move to the nursing home after she fell in her apartment and broke bones. I ended up emptying her apartment all by myself because it was the pandemic and my family could not travel to help and my husband was ill himself. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I am so happy for your mom, she deserves peace and quiet and simple pleasures, just as you do. Caregiving is exhausting.
Linda says
I can only hope to have such great help from my kids when I need it. The ALF looks great, and the staff are working wonders. As a therapist that has worked in multiple Continuing Care Retirement Communities looks top notch. I cleaned sorted, donated, sold my parents lifelong home. I spent three weeks, plus another week with estate sale. It is grueling work, and heartbreaking. It’s so great that your parents can be near each other with professional assist.
Carolyn Ericson says
Dear Rhoda, thanks for sharing your journey with Mom and Dad. With your Moms co operation you and your sister have done a wonderful thing. The look and smile on your Moms face tell the story best. Pictures from the past pics showed the heavy burden she was carrying. Will pray for both of them and especially that Dad will begin to enjoy other residents he meets each day. May the Lord bestow peace and rest for you and your sister🙏
Renee says
Your Momma already looks more relaxed and happy. I’m sure the underlying stress of taking care of your Dad 24/7 was wearing on her too! Just not having to worry about preparing and serving food is at huge thing. It’s like she’s on a permanent cruise vacation!
Rhoda says
Renee, it sure is, we all say we could easily live at Dogwood Forest. It’s such a nice place! If I was an elderly lady, I’d be very happy there.
Shelley Humpal says
Rhoda we are all invested in your parents story so thank you for sharing. Having been thru all of this except the move with my own parents I feel your courage. It’s funny how when you feel like you can’t do one more thing, you some how manage to rally yourself and carry on. Carry on Rhoda you can and will. Thoughts are with you.
Julie says
Rhoda, I feel for you on this journey. At this time in my life, my inlaws have already died, my mom died of gall bladder cancer in 2011, and Dad turned 89 last month and still living alone. My sister lives in same town as him (Arkansas), so she’s there daily maintaining his house and fixing meals. Yet, as I hope you know, the caretaker needs to take care of themselves too!! It sounds like your parents are in good hands, and may that bring a peaceful in heart knowing such. One day at a time for sure…….. xox
Jill Lee says
Enjoyed the updates on this new journey. The look on your mom’s face says it all! She looks at peace and that’s what she needed. Continuing to pray for your family as you all go through this adjustment period. My dad was a pastor for 62 years before he had to retire from Parkinson’s. He still loved to say the blessing until a stroke took away his speech. Hang in there! The Lord will give you strength.
Toni Gorrell says
Thanks for the update, Rhoda! Praise God that they are settling in. Your mom definitely needs the peace and some fun. And your dad needs the special care. Continued prayers for all of you! ❤️
Beverly Kimble says
Your posts bring back so many memories from taking care of my parents. We put my mom in memory care and my dad in assisted living. He was actually worse off than her from the stress of caring for her. He hated it so much that he took off out the door one day. He was dragging his rolling suitcase behind him while he pushed his walker. It was so stressful on all of us. I pray for you that he will settle down and be as happy there as he can be.
Kathie Sansbury Blackwell says
You and your family have absolutely done the best you can for your parents. It’s not easy, been there and done that, but that God for these assisted living and memory care services that are provided. I’m glad your expectations are not that daddy will go back to live with your mom. She might eventually be able to visit him, but the meds are not miracles…Just calming him is major. So glad to see the relief on your mom’s face…She is so happy and it shows. Bless her, she knew she needed a change..she was so tired.
Cheryl says
Thanks for sharing this journey & process.
Deanna Rabe says
I’ve enjoyed seeing your mom on your stories. She is so happy, you can visibly see the lifted burden! She was just precious sharing that devotional with you!
I think your dad will thrive too, even if they have to live in separate living areas. They can still see each other, and his unique needs will be taken care of in the memory unit.
Blessings for you all!
June W Lovell says
Your Mom deserves a break after 68 years and I’m glad you recognize it. My experience as the wife of / daughter of / is that the professionals will be able to care for your Dad. If your parents are ‘reunited’, your Mom will be the caregiver again. Most important to them is that a family member visit the facility every day, greet the staff, get to know the housekeepers, groundskeepers, and caregivers. Thank you for the update.
Char M says
Rhoda, you were hoping your dad would find a way to continue ministering. One week in, and he’s saying the blessing amid residents, and doing so with gusto — and, as you say, affirmation from fellow residents.
Tee says
Thank you for the update. The photo of your mom’s sweet face is worth a thousand words. She deserves to enjoy life. She will thrive in the social environment with the meals with other residents and the activities. Prayers that your dad will settle down and some way realize he is able to ministered to those around him, because those prayers are coming out of her heart and not his head. You and your sister will get through this initial part where it is so tough physically and emotionally, it’s only temporary. I agree with another comment, be seen in that facility every day, get to know all the staff and employees and as many of the neighbors as possible, it will greatly enhance your mom’s care.
Peg Brittain says
Seeing how happy and smiling your mama is now is worth every hard decision you all have made. Memory care is the best place for your dad now. When you see him, have your camera ready to capture the joy on his and her face seeing each other. He may not realize how long it has been but after that, his joy in seeing her will fill your hearts. Once my mom was under the weather and didn’t go with us to visit him. I made the mistake of saying that and he became very agitated and wanted to be with her. She had MS so anytime she got sick he worried and fretted. So always tell him “mom has bingo or a women’s church meeting. Anything that he will remember her doing when they were younger. He will be living most time in his long ago past so keep that in mind if he says things that you may not remember.
From one former parental care giver to a new one, may God keep blessing you and providing you with wisdom and knowledge to circumnavigate this new journey.
Teresa says
Thank you Rhoda for taking the time and sharing how your parents are doing in their new home. While I know it hasnt all been good in relation to your Dad, seeing your Mother adjusting and doing so well is a true blessing. Separating them I know was heartbreaking but certainly the right decision with your Dads dementia and anger issues. This could be down right dangerous. This wasn’t good on your Mom and hopefully she can get some rest and peace now. This is best for them both. My late father in law was in a rehab facility several years ago and mentally was still sharp for his age. He wanted to leave and called a neighbor to come get him and take him home. He convinced the neighbor he could leave the facility freely at any time. They got to the exit door before nurses realized he was leaving! It was a nightmare because they had to re-admit him all over again and he wasn’t a happy camper. The neighbor realized when he got him to the door that he was not in good shape and certainly not able to go home. We can laugh about it now and his “great escape” attempt but it wasnt funny when it was happening. Continued prayers for your Mom and Dad and all of you in the days and weeks ahead.
Becky Norris says
Continued prayers for your parents & you guy as you walk this path. I know it’s hard to separate them but from my experience it is the best you can do for them, to give them the best care for each one individually. In my situation, they were together and it caused her so many problems caring for him. To the point of being in the trauma center with broken ribs & punctured lungs from him falling on her. I’m glad your Mom is feeling so much better & hopeful your Dad will adjust quickly. Rest & take care.
Diane Moore says
Thank you for taking the time to share all this with us. It is surprising how much you can care about people you’ve never met. I’m glad God has guided your decisions and your parents are where they should be 🙏🏻💕
Glenda Meyers says
Rhoda, I am so glad you shared your story!! We all have or will go through similar circumstances with our parents. I have already experienced the loss of my mother and that left us to deal with my dad who was just like your dad in dealing with moving into a care home. What a stGlressful time for everybody! Your mom is such a sweetheart, and I think it is wonderful she can have some time to restore her strength! Best wishes to you and your family as you go through this, another challenging time of your life!!