Today I’m sharing all about the process of cleaning out and prepping our parents’ house to sell after they moved to assisted living/memory care. There’s a lot that goes into moving parents out of their long time home of 50 years and I figured our experience might help others who are going through the same thing. We learned as we went along, asking questions of friends, and learning how to clean out a house, selling the contents, and getting the house ready to sell on the real estate market. Hope you enjoy this share!
Moving Our Parents
We moved our parents on October 1st and as I shared before, my dad had no idea that this day would be the last time he would see their house. There was no way around that unfortunately, as his reasoning skills did not allow him to logically reason out the process of them moving and giving up their home. Mom was more than ready to move and it was definitely the best thing we could have done before things got worse at home for them both. Dad’s memory was such that he didn’t need to be driving anymore and we had taken away his car keys in July, which didn’t go over very well. He got angry with us for taking things away from him and that wasn’t going to get any better.
So after mom said it was time to move, I began the process of finding them a new home. We settled on Dogwood Forest in Acworth, 5 minutes from my house and I felt at peace over this decision. It has turned out to be the best thing for them. You can read about that moving process in these posts. They might be helpful for any of you who are taking care of aging parents and need to know when the right time to move might be. There is no perfect time, but I’ve always heard move them before it’s too late, rather than be forced to move in a hurry. We are so glad we took the cue from mom and moved them when we did:
Decide What Furniture Will Fit in the New Space
That was something we looked at by measuring and really thinking about the new apartment and how much we could fit in there. It was definitely going to be major downsizing, there wasn’t even room for a sofa in the new living room, so we measured carefully and chose their favorite things to take with them.
We ended up with their 2 recliners with a table and lamp in the middle, an extra chair in there and we shopped for a piece to hold the TV, A bookcase also fit the space. In the bedroom, we took their queen size bed, a nightstand and lamp, the dresser which ended up in the large closet, minus the mirror, a small chair in there. In the bathroom we took a large cabinet that was on the back porch for extra storage. There was room for the settee and swivel outdoor chair as well as the rocking chair for the balcony off the room. That was it, so we knew up front what we would take on moving day, along with their clothes, personal items, and everything we could think of to take to make them comfortable. Of course, over the course of the next month, mom thought of many things she wanted me to bring to her so I did that every week until we got to the end of the list. That’s normal for them to not know exactly what they want to take and as more things came to mind, we took them to her.
Sell the Contents of the House
After everything was taken to mom that she wanted, we knew everything else would be sold. We waited until Thanksgiving weekend to get to the final part of emptying the house. I had started after they moved to list the bigger things, mostly furniture on Facebook Marketplace. That’s a great way to get rid of stuff and sell it for a fair price. So over the course of about 6 weeks, I sold a lot of the furniture on Facebook and emptied out the house of the bigger things.
There was plenty left though and that was a big job to finish the cleanout. When my sister and BIL were home for Thanksgiving, we dove in full force to continue emptying the house so that we could get the house on the market to sell as soon as possible. Mom was ready by then to start the sales process and let the house go. It was a relief to her to get the house sold and not have all the upkeep to think about, since it was all on her shoulders. Dad had gotten to the point that he couldn’t take care of the house, the only thing he did was to continue to mow the grass with his riding lawn mower, but we knew that couldn’t last forever. He was not able to take care of maintaining the house any longer and mom had to handle any issues with the house.
Emptying out the Contents of the House: A Moving Sale
After most of the bigger things were sold, that left the rest of the contents. This was the hard part. My sister and I went through all the drawers in the bedroom furniture and as those things were sold all the contents were strewn all over the floor for us to sort through and look over. We saved all mom’s photo albums and family pictures and she has most of those in her new apartment. It really is a challenge to go through your parents’ things because what was important to them was not necessarily important to us, so there was very little that we kept for ourselves. Lauren, however had a big stack of things that were hers since she practically grew up in that house too. She’s a sentimental gal and kept some of mom’s kitchen things too. She had a lot to go through since she had left so much there after she got married and moved away.
Those things were sorted out and given to who wanted them, including a few things who went to a church friend. The rest of the contents were up for sale and we had a big moving sale on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Our plan was to have the sale on Saturday, and then advertise a giveaway day on Sunday. On Monday, I scheduled a junk hauler to come and haul the rest away.
That ended up being a really good plan and it worked out great. We did sell a lot of the contents the first day, we gave good prices and it was a good day. We made enough money out of the sale of the contents to pay for the hunk haulers and to get the house cleaned with money left over.
The free giveaway was also a success and we were happy to let people come and take things away, it was less that the junk haulers had to take away. So that was a good day as more and more things went out the door lessening the load somewhat.
All of these things were sold on Facebook Marketplace and that plan worked out great.
Dad had two tillers which we sold. One went to the neighbor and then the older tiller sold a few weeks later.
The utility room was packed to the gills the first day we started. It was a daunting task to go through this space, with all the tools, nails and screws plus misc. junk. Men really liked this sale with all the tools that we had for sale so that worked out well. This shot is after the sale day and then people hauled away more, but this room still had junk to haul out too.
Call the Junk Haulers
On Monday, the junk haulers showed up as scheduled. We had hoped that one truck load would be enough, but it ended up taking 2. They had to come back the second day to empty out the garage and outbuilding, so it was a long process to get rid of the rest. We used Stand Up Guys Junk Removal and they did a great job.
Cost: $575 per truckload so $1150 total
If you’re peering in the truck and see that sewing machine, it was no longer working. No one wanted to buy it, so we ended up scrapping it. I don’t think the thriftstore would have taken it. Her working sewing machine sold right away.
Hauling the junk was tiring for sure and my sister and I along with Bruce was there helping too. With 50 years of accumulation, you can imagine all that was there. It was a relief at the end of the first day to see the empty house. There were many things that were just too good to throw away, so I grabbed all of the things I thought were still valuable and took them to the local thriftstore up the street. I made at least 6 trips up there hauling anything that was left that was valuable, including the old blue sofa which no one wanted. I couldn’t bear to see anything decent be hauled away.
Clean the House
After the house was emptied, it was time to get it cleaned. I didn’t have the energy to do that myself after all we’ve been through, so I hired it out at $300 to get a thorough cleaning. She did a great job and got it spic and span clean, ready to put on the market. That was a relief too, to see the house clean and ready to sell.
Sell the House
I took a few shots to show you all. So many of you have followed our journey all these years and I have taken you in this kitchen so many times. Mom cooked in this kitchen for 50 years and it definitely has a lot of memories. No one took the window coverings, so I just left those up. The rest of the windows got cleared out and doing that let in so much more light.
The house went on the market on a Friday, with showings all weekend long. We ended up with several contracts and chose one that was really strong, over asking price and not many contingencies. We did have to give back a little for repairs and we had to do a termite treatment to the garage, but that was all we had to do, so I’m happy with how that turned out. Selling in a brisk market like this is getting them top dollar for their house. All the proceeds for everything sold, including the house will help to keep them in assisted living for years to come if needed.
They also had 2 vehicles, a Nissan Altima and a Toyota truck. I’m keeping the truck and I sold the car after Thanksgiving to a nice young man in the military. It was nice to see it go to a good home, the car had 60K miles on it and was a 2008, so buying a car from an elderly couple is a good thing.
Now Mark and I have both our dad’s trucks and have to figure out what we’re going to do. We don’t need 4 vehicles for the two of us, so I’m not sure how we are going to solve that one, but neither one of us could bear to let our dad’s trucks go.
I really hope the family that moves in here will enjoy it and make it their own. A lot of life has been lived in this house and it was a haven for mom and dad for all those years. I was 15 when we moved in this house and we lived in the house next door first for about 9 years. Dad built both of those houses.
The den where they spent so much time. That heater in the corner is one of dad’s additions.
Their bedroom all empty now.
The living room upstairs in this split foyer house. There are 3 bedrooms and a bathroom up here.
And here’s the little porch that I did a makeover on when I lived with them. I had fun making over this porch when I lived with them for a year and 1/2. It was a great porch to enjoy for many years and now this furniture is on mom’s balcony. I was going to link the post but somehow it has disappeared.
So now the house closes in a little over a week and that will close the house chapter. I’m so glad we are at this point. It’s an exhausting process to move parents and get them settled in an assisted living, but we know it was the absolute best thing for them.
I hope this post is helpful for anyone else on this path with your loved ones. There may be books out there to help with this process, but we just figured it out as we went along and things worked out for us. Mom and dad are settled in and content in their new home and I don’t have to worry about them nearly as much. I’m 5 minutes away which gives me much peace of mind. Elderly parents are a blessing and we must do all we can to help them in their final years of life. Mom and dad have done so much for me (and all of their girls) over the years, this is what I can do for them and I’m happy to do it. This is a journey that every family will deal with at some point, so I’m sure you can relate if you’ve been through it or you can look ahead to what’s coming if you’re not there yet.
Phyllis says
What wonderful children your parents raised. Not one word of diversity did I hear. Seems you all worked together for the betterment of mom and dad. What a blessing your parents have in you their children. I can understand how much work and time it must have been, but your parents are only here once and when gone there will be no regrets only wonderful memories. After all they gave all their youthful years for and to you their most important inheritance in this world. I don’t know if they said it to you but I know they are proud parents. I only hope my daughter will treat me as well when my time arrives. Love and hugs to you all. Hope your parents are happy and adjusting well.
Rhoda says
Thank you, Phyllis, they are wonderful parents and now it’s our time to give back to them. When my sister was home for Christmas, she, me and mom were talking and with tears in her eyes, mom told us both how proud she was of both of us. It was a sweet moment for us to cherish.
Sara says
Thanks for your update. I have followed you for years and always enjoy hearing about your parents. I went through the same thing about 8 years ago and it is so hard but the best feeling when it is finally done. Your parents raised great daughters to take such care of them.
J Lane says
What a wonderful and touching accounting of how and what you all did for your parents final move. It’s definitely NOT an easy journey for either party but you all did it beautifully and with such grace. I’m so glad you all can now rest easily knowing that mom and dad are safe, happy and taken care of in their new homes!
Peggy says
What a blessing your family is for each other! The love and respect is a wonderful testimony of how you all were raised. I have been through this with my parents and my husband’s. Not easy with some and with some a piece of cake. Now it’s time for us to plan for our future. Talk to your children about your plan, start downsizing, your adult children really don’t want all of that stuff, make it easier for all.
Rhoda says
I agree with you. I don’t think too many older folks plan ahead and get rid of/downsize their house until it’s too late. Most likely the children do not want much at all. Most of us already have our own homes and don’t need or want more from our parents.
Donna says
I’ve been following along on your family’s journey moving your folks into assisted living. Your dad sounds so much like mine! He’s told us all that he is NEVER moving and will be buried in his orchard. My mom, on the other hand, is ready for a move when the time comes. They’re 80 and 79 now and are still quite capable, but my brother, sister and I have chatted about what its going to be like if they have to move. The whole idea is daunting. I appreciate your bringing us along on your family’s journey. The fact that your folks are doing so well in their new home gives me hope for when our time comes. In the meantime, we just feel so blessed that we still have them in our lives. God bless, Rhoda.
Rhoda says
Yes the men are the hard ones! Mom was more than ready to admit that they couldn’t handle the house anymore. It’s amazing that they made it to 93 and 94 before the time came and we are glad it worked out as well as it did for them to remain at home for so long. Men have a hard time letting go of it all, the car, the house, and especially their independence.
Pat says
I think you had a very organized plan and really got all of this accomplished in a fairly short timeframe. I also think many people just throw away and I applaud you for donating any usable items. You did a wonderful job!
Kathy says
You are wonderful daughters. Your parents are so blessed.
Mandy Williams says
I thoroughly enjoy every post but those about your parents and the journey have been profoundly meaningful. They are helpful in practical ways but also helping with my emotions (which include deep fear) about what is to come. I lost my sweet daddy many years ago but am profoundly blessed with my precious, 90 year young, mama who continues to live well by herself. She stopped driving this past summer. She was a bit was sad but agreed it was time (especially in crazy metro Atlanta!) so mercifully it was not hard. I’m terribly sentimental about places and things so I am going to be the troublemaker! 😁
Rhoda says
Mandy, take it a day at a time. You will be fine, no need to fear!
Stacey says
Gosh, I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been with the family history you have there. I know it’s a relief to all of you too. All of us have to go through this sooner or later. I appreciate your willingness to share such good information.
Makes me want to start cleaning out all the little things to help our own boys someday.
Kathy says
I cried as I read this. I remember your dad helping you with so many projects, just as my dad did. I commented that on your blog so many times. We were truly at the same place …as we are now. My 89 year old dad has Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home and my 88 year old mom just passed suddenly in October. My siblings and I are at the point of preparing to sell. I am so sentimental, I think I will have many parting issues. Thank you for this sensible post.
Rhoda says
Kathy, I hear you. I think I’m glad that my sister and I are not overly sentimental about every little thing. We both have our own homes and things we love, so we were not fixated on keeping much of mom’s stuff. We love our own way more! It’s sad no matter what, but these things have to be done. You will grieve as you need to and you’ll be OK.
Teresa says
Having been through this process two years ago with my husbands late father and stepmother who both passed away within months of each other, I know how stressful and difficult a task it can be especially doing it from out of state. I think you, your sister, Lauren and your entire family worked together so wonderful together to make things go as easy as possible although I know there were some difficult moments and bumps in the road regarding your Dad and it was still alot of work.
The one thing I learned through the process is please dont make the mistake of trying to hold on to everything and think your children are going to want all of your stuff and possessions when you are gone. Downsize when you are still in good health and active and have a honest conversation then with your children now about what things of yours they would like to have. Dont expect they are going to want alot of your household furniture and items as they probably already have their own and your taste and theirs are usually not the same.
I remember my husband telling me that a week before his Dad passed away at the rehab facility, that he told him “You are going to have your hands full” and he was right! He knew there were things that should have been sold long before it got to this point. One thing my late father in law did do in the past 10 years was when my husband or his sister would visit, he would give them something they wanted that was their grandparents or a family piece to take with them. So after their passing, there wasnt really much in household things they wanted. My husband rented a large dumpster when the house got cleaned out and before it went up for sale and this was a life saver because there was alot of things that were just junk, expired can goods and food (don’t get me started on this) and things that had ruined being out in sheds, etc. that needed to be thrown away.
In closing, I am so happy your parents have settled in their new home and are being taken care of well and safely. I didnt realize they lived in a split-level home. Steps can be really difficult for folks their age.
Rhoda says
Hi, Teresa, yes to all of this. More older folks need to think about this before it becomes too late for them to physically do anything about it. Unfortunately, my dad was a pack rat and wouldn’t let my mom throw anything away so hence the stuffed closets and stuffed garage and utility room. She tried, bless her, but it was too little too late. Mark’s mom on the other hand, after his dad died Sept. 2020, she wasted no time in cleaning out his things as well as much in the house that she was ready to get rid of. She’s even given the grandkids things they might want already, like a dining room set, etc. Her house is looking barer for it, but there will be much less to deal with once she moves or passes away.
Carol H. says
Thank you for sharing, brought back so many emotions. One easy thing we can all do for our heirs is to sort and shred any unnecessary paperwork, get important documents labeled and organized. Hanging files with everything in one place is great to have.
Rhoda says
Yes, that’s a great tip! Mom at least had a good filing system so it was easy to bring all of those to my house.
Linda Hickey says
So glad for you and your sister to have this journey behind you both. Things never remain the same. There comes a time in all our life’s we have to face this trip with our parents. I did with my mother and yes they sometimes become very defiant during the process. I’m joyous that both your mom and dad have a excellent and awesome place to stay. From all the photos and sharing your visits with them, they seem to be adjusted and doing well. I know this gives you and Renee a wonderful piece of mind. May God bless you and your family.
Deborah says
Cleaning out your parent’s home is a daunting task. Three years ago, in the midst of Thanksgiving and Christmas, both of my parents passed. Mom’s passing was more expected with so many health issues, but Dad’s passing a month later, just days before Christmas was unexpected. They had lived in their home for 35yrs. Mom was the type of person who believed ‘why have just one of something if you can have several’. So there was a LOT to go through. Everything you touch has a memory attached. Throw in the grieving process and it was difficult to say the least. God Bless you for all you’ve done for your parents. I miss mine every day.
Thelma says
You’re a wonderful daughter. You’re parents are blessed. Thank you for sharing this process which I know has been painful for you.
Rebecca says
Rhoda,
I’ve told you this before but I love your story and it has helped me realize that how my family handled my parents house selling/estate was not a good way. The Will named me executor but my older sisters were very involved in the whole process. We were not on the same page with much of anything. The middle sister said absolutely no estate sell and even complained when I paid $200 for a large trash container. My dad had 2 large shops from his HVAC company with all kinds of stuff left from the day he passed in 2016. Actually most was left from the day he suffered a massive stroke at 59 and was left disabled. The oldest sister told me if I took any estate fee, they would not clean out the house at all with me because that was my “job.” I’m still trying to accommodate their wishes to settle the estate, land division (which piece each sibling gets, etc). All of this could have been discussed before it came to this but it never was. It has been a tough 2 years since mom passed in Feb 20 and, although we were a great family all our lives, this has caused a terrible division. I started out trying to make everyone happy but at this point the estate attorney says nothing will appease them.
I can only say please, please, please discuss things with your estate before you pass. What was a fun and loving family now no longer communicates. Rhoda, reading your experience is wonderful to see how some families can work together and it can be a positive experience. Bless you and your family! You are blessed that all seem to think things through logically.
Rhoda says
Hi Rebecca, oh I feel for you and just know you are not alone in that. We have cousins who have gone through the same type situation when their parents died. ONe of my friends, her husbands family/siblings are in the middle of a similar thing with their parents trust/estate. It’s just awful that people let these things get into such a bad place. Most of the time a will can settle these things but I know that’s not always the case. I just can’t understand why certain people want to argue and nitpick, it can’t all be about money? But maybe it is? Life is too short to let this happen! My sister and I often say that we are so glad we all get along and don’t fight over this stuff. It’s heartbreaking to watch it happen to someone else.
Vicki says
I went through this with my mom moving her Kentucky to Florida where we live. She was in her house abt 25 years and hated to throw anything away. My mom was suffering from Alzheimer’s and just couldn’t be by herself any longer. My aunt her sister also couldn’t help anymore due to her own health issues. She moved in with us but ended up in assisted living abt 3 months later. It was hard watching her health decline. We had 2 more years with her before she passed. She’s now back in Kentucky where she was born and raised. It’s very hard to go through decades of memories and try to decide what needs to go. You did good!
Janet says
I just went through this with a brother who was a pack rat with everything except important papers. I think he kept copies of everything online. He passed away suddenly and I did not have the password(s)to access his computer or any of his accounts. Thus as executor of the estate, I could not access documents that would have been helpful. It would have saved time to not have to wait for his bills to arrive to even know what his monthly bills were. My advice is to make sure that a list of accounts and passwords is kept up to date and that family members know where it is and how to access it.
Candace Y says
Rhoda,
I have enjoyed so much watching the videos of your parents, you know I tell you often the Holy Spirit is so evident in your Dad, regardless of the dementia. He has a sweet spirit, and I cry when I hear him pray. You are a wonderful daughter, and I admire all you have done for your folks.
Love from Colorado!
Candace(Mimiloves12)
Kelley Kolpitcke says
Dear Rhoda,
What a journey! Thank you for sharing. Telling our stories helps so many people and even though it is sometimes hard to share our personal lives, we are all united in dealing with death. You have helped countless people.
My father passed suddenly in 2008. I lived 1600 miles away and yet, I came home for 3 summers to help my mom clean out all of his belongings. I do think my siblings were numb and maybe that happens in a lot of families. They did not help much.
My mom has continued to live in the home and although I cleared out a lot of things, she was still young at 68. She wasn’t ready to part with her things. Now we are faced with that daunting challenge ahead. However, I try not to worry about it because then we have to worry twice. My mom doesn’t want to talk about ever leaving so it’s best to stay away from the topic.
But I have changed. I don’t want my sons to face such decisions. When I moved back to Wisconsin in 2020, I sold most of my belongings. I have a small amount of possessions and if I’m not using it, I don’t store it. I look at the small houses of a century ago and they had small closets for a reason. They didn’t keep so much STUFF! So I am trying to learn from everyone.
Peace, love, and happiness to you and your family.
Kelley
Rhoda says
Thank you, Kelley, I love hearing from others and what you all have been through too. This subject hits every family, no matter what.
I’m with you on not wanting to hold on to too much. We have a long ways to go to declutter our house but I’m determined to work on it this year.