In Memory of Daddy

So many of you have been with me for years, back when I was living in Birmingham and I first introduced you all to my parents. You’ve been so supportive all these years and really fell in love with my parents. I can’t blame you, they are such loveable people. When mom passed away last year, there was such an outpouring of love for her and I appreciated all your tender and sweet words as we lost our matriarch. She was a woman of faith with big shoes to fill and we still miss her greatly. It is with great sadness that I share that our dear daddy, Albert, passed away this past week, on February 6th. This is not the post I thought I would be writing this weekend, but here we are. It came as a surprise to all of us and much faster than we anticipated, but God’s grace is sufficient and we are grateful he didn’t suffer long.

Dad’s 97th birthday last July

It’s been said that when you lose your parents, it makes you feel like an orphan. I think I’m starting to understand that now. Now that dad is gone, it makes a lot more sense to me. Losing the stability and foundation you were born with is hard to imagine and when parents are no longer on this earth, it’s a sobering reality that we are left alone and no longer have that parental bond that we all started life with. My parents were exceptional if I dare say that out loud. It’s certainly true to me. They were as close to the perfect parents that I can imagine.

This was the day before I left for the cruise, he was doing ok

I had no idea that this turn of health would happen so fast. I was just in there the day before we left for our cruise. I was gone for a week and when I got back, the facility was locked down because norovirus was rampant in the Assisted Living side. Dad is in memory care and they didn’t have any cases there, but they were being extra cautious, so outside visitors had to wait a week to come back in. When I went back this past Monday, I could hardly believe my eyes. I had talked on the phone to the care director earlier that week and I knew that his care plan had changed in January. He was needing a lot more help with daily things. I knew he was declining the last couple of months, but it sped up exponentially the last week. He was having a harder time getting up and walking, but he was still doing fine feeding himself at the table at that time. In just a week, things changed drastically and he was a completely different person when I got back in there. They told me the previous week that he had stayed in his room and they had him sitting in his chair for meals, even feeding him when he had a hard time getting the fork to his mouth. He had been sleeping more and didn’t want to get up in the morning, so all of these are signs that the body is slowing down, especially losing his appetite. He loved to eat.

Handwritten note of a song that mom wrote & left in her devotional book.

It just happened so much faster than any of us dreamed it would happen, but I’ve prayed that the Lord would take him fast and not let him suffer. My sister, Renee, was driving into town this past Monday for a scheduled visit anyway and the timing ended up being perfect. I let her and Lauren know on Monday how bad he was. After a week of not wanting to eat much and sleeping a lot more, we think he had a stroke during the night on Sunday. We didn’t get a doctor’s diagnosis on that, but he sure had the signs. It wasn’t bad enough to paralyze him, but his speech was definitely off. The staff told me he was completely different that Monday when I went in and I could see it for myself. Speaking was difficult at this time, but I was able to talk to him and he heard me and talked back. The hospice nurse was there and I met her for the first time as she took his vitals and accessed where he was. I’m so grateful they were involved just the week before, it was just in time.

My sister came in on Tuesday and the two of us fed him strawberry ice cream. We talked to him and told him how much we loved him. He told us he loved us very much as well. It was heart warming and comforting to have those final moments of communicating with him. We still didn’t know how long we would have him and on Wednesday, hospice had a hospital bed brought in so that he would be more comfortable. He passed away later that night in his sleep after midnight. My sister and I had prayed that God would take him and not let him linger and the Lord answered our prayers. He didn’t suffer long and we are so grateful for that.

Daddy was an exceptional man and we grieve his death, but we know he’s in a better place and reunited with our mama. When I went in on Monday to see him he looked up at me and said “where’s your mama”. I said she’s not here yet and we talked a little bit as I told him again that I loved him. He told me back. I asked him if he was hurting and he said no he wasn’t.

God has been so good to us as a family and given us our parents for way longer than most people get to have them. Dad was 97 and mom was 95 when she passed over a year ago. Most people don’t get their parents that long, so I have absolutely nothing to complain about. It’s just hard going through the process of watching your loved one pass from this earth. There’s no easy way to do it, except pray for grace and mercy. We got that for daddy. I know where he is and I know what’s in his heart and that gives me comfort. He loved God with all his heart. Thank you all for loving him so much. The outpouring of love on my Facebook page and Instagram page were overwhelming and I’ve tried to read every comment. He was a beloved husband, father, and grandfather, plus a retired Pastor loved by many people in the church. He outlived all of his Pastor friends and we didn’t even have a preacher to call who knew him all that well, but we will have a celebration of life service next weekend to honor this great man of God. He will be dearly missed. Even with dementia, he still had a sense of humor and was still pretty alert in spite of his disease.

Mom was in assisted living for 2 years 2 months and daddy was in memory care for 3 years, 3 months. We are so glad we moved them when we did and they had a relatively easy and contented life out of their home for their last years when they needed help the most. Memory Care facilities are God-sent places for families that need help.

Daddy and mama will be buried at the Georgia National Cemetery for Veterans, with a military ceremony and interred in a vault and we will have that service as soon as we can after the celebration service. You can see daddy’s obituary here.