Today is one of those posts that I take a deep breath, click the Publish button and hope for the best.
In the going on 5 years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve shared bits and pieces of my personal life along the way. If you had told me then that I would be a full time blogger in 2011, single again, without a home of my own, and living with my elderly parents, I would not have believed it. That would not even have seemed a possibility to me at the time. You just can’t plan for things like that to happen in life. Sometimes life takes a sharp left turn and you are not prepared for it.
{Two of my treasures, one of which is never too old to sit in her granddaddy’s lap}
This is not going to be a downer post, but rather one that I hope uplifts, gives glory where glory is due and gives all of you out there the shot in the arm that you might need to believe that things can be good. From bad. Faith is the key word here.
As blogging has gotten so popular in the last few years, we are all invited into each others home. Even encouraged to peek in the windows. How many times have you clicked on a blog and looked at the pretty pictures of the home, the homeowner, the homeowner’s beautiful children and cute husband and figured she has it all together? I doubt that is true in real life. None of us totally have it all together.
But the blog world sure can paint a pretty picture. We are what we portray on our blogs to the world. No one truly knows all that goes on behind the scenes of anyone’s life, but our friends and family. Those folks get to see the real us all the time. So, it’s easy to be a little wistful when we see a gorgeous home, beautiful family and think that person is so, so fortunate to be living such a good life. A dreamy life. Those glossy magazine picture perfect pics can be deceiving and no one lives the perfect life.
{Mother’s Day, 2011: my sister, Renee, Mom, Lauren and me}
My life certainly hasn’t been perfect by any means. I have been transparent at times, but I’ll spare you all the gory details of my bad choices, disappointing failures, and marital non-bliss that have been such a part of my life. You know from what I’ve shared this year, that it’s been a heartbreaking one for me on many levels. Life just doesn’t always turn out the way we plan or dream or hope for. That, my friends, is reality.
But, I’m here to tell you that there is a silver lining to the black clouds. There is hope in the midst of a storm. There is a new day and a brighter tomorrow. We all go through trials and pain and sorrow in life. There is no escaping that. The Bible gives us plenty of clues that life just ain’t always a bed of roses. God allows us to walk in the rain and brings storms into our lives, sometimes for months and we can’t always see where that is leading.
What good could possibly come out of all of the bad?
I do not have all the answers, but I’m here to give some of you hope. I’m a middle-aged woman in the midst of a life crisis. It’s not over yet. I’m in the middle of getting a divorce. My soon-to-be (I hope) ex-husband is in jail for good reasons, related to, but none of which have anything to do with the financial devastation he has done to me (for those of you waiting for some scoop, there you go!). Maybe one day I will write that book, you never know. It is certainly an interesting story, one that I am still in disbelief over the fact that it has been a part of my life.
So, life goes on. I am alone again. I have no idea if I’ll ever find (true) love again. Do I hope that there is love for me in the future? Yes, yes I do. If God allows it, my heart would be open to it. In the meantime, I will keep doing what He has allowed me to do and continue on the path He has led me on. I will be patient and wait.
I started my own business about 3 years ago, which grew out of this blog. I love being creative and always dreamed of doing something other than working in the Corporate world and when I started blogging almost 5 years ago, I had no idea that it would turn into my dream job. Working from home. Sharing decorating and design inspiration. Talking about my travels. Sharing my family with all of you. Cooking recipes. Getting to go on fun trips. Doing life. I’m so, so grateful that God allowed it to blossom and bloom into what it is now. I’m so fortunate that He has blessed me so much just since I moved back home with my parents in April. So many new doors have opened and opportunities have come my way. It makes me all teary-eyed to think about it.
Is there anything I’ve done to make this happen? No, not at all. God has done it for me. I’m not getting rich from blogging, by any means. But, he has allowed this to become my source of income. Something that I love to do. Some days, I will tell you that I get sad and a little down, remembering what I used to have. I had a nice house, 2 of them in fact. Now I have neither. I miss having a house that is mine to do with what I want to do. I miss being creative and having fun with that. Being a blogger can just magnify that part too.
But, you know what? That is OK. I have to believe that I will have a house again. So many folks in this country are going through hard times. Many have lost jobs and lost homes. These are tough times. I am not alone. I’m learning to appreciate the small things in life and be content in my circumstances. Peace and contentment cannot be purchased. They are priceless. I may never have the financial security I thought I once had again. That is up to the Lord too.
I have to remind myself daily that I’ve got SO much to be thankful for and believe me, I AM thankful. God has allowed me to still have my parents at my age. They could easily have been gone already, but they are here for me. They love me unconditionally and give me the emotional support I need all the time, as do my whole family and my wonderful friends. I am grateful for all of them!
So, if you are going through a hard time, let me just remind you, that God is still there. He cares. Ask Him to help you and He will. He might not do it the way you expect, but He will always, always take care of his children. I’m a testimony to that. I have no idea what my future holds. This whole blogging thing just might blow up and we all may be on the street and if it does, that is OK too. I know that He will take care of me.
Let me just take this opportunity to once again thank all of YOU out there who faithfully come to visit me. Each and every day. Many of you just lurk and never leave comments and that is OK too. I know you are out there and I’m grateful that you take a little bit of your precious time each day to spend with me. I don’t take that for granted.
If you have always dreamed of doing something from home (or not from home) and never had the chance, I want to encourage you to give it a try. You never know if you don’t try. I started my business with the hopes of having a full fledged decorating business and it has turned out not so much about that as being able to write and share about decorating through this blog. I would love to develop that side of my business more and maybe it will come with time. In the meantime, I continue to do what I’m doing and as long as it is blessed, I will stay on this road. I consider this blog my ministry of sorts too.
Don’t give up! If you have dreams that have never been fulfilled, don’t give up. It’s not too late. If I can reinvent myself in my mid-50’s, you can certainly do it too. Follow your heart. Follow your dreams and do what you are passionate about and I truly believe you will find a way to be successful at it.
So, that’s it! That’s my pep talk for today. I hope my being vulnerable will help someone else realize that you, too have much to offer and a God-given talent that you can use as well, to fulfill those long ago dreams that you might have been putting off. Waiting for another day.
As the old Nike tag line says, Just Do It!
What are you dreaming of? Please tell me, I want to know.Is there something you’ve wanted to try and haven’t because of fear or uncertainty?
{I’ve been camping out in the old Streams in the Desert devotional this year and there are some great nuggets in there. Psalms 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy oh Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of your hands}.
Hey Ro,
I got your e=mail and want to reply but today my yahoo account got hacked and it wiped out all my contacts! I can’t seem to find your new e-mail address in anything I have. Could you please send it to me again to the aol address ([email protected])…..
thanks!
judy
Hi Rhoda: I too am one of those people who read personal blogs and wonder why my life is not as picture perfect. Why I can’t make my house look as pretty. How do they do it? How do these people manage to have such great lives? It is so easy to forget that perception and truth are usually not one and the same. I could easily describe my day like this: I woke up early, took a delicious shower and went to my doctor’s appt. My mom went with me and we chatted and had a great time. The staff was great, considerate and very helpful. And then show you a photo of the sun gently coming through my window and waking me up. Or I could say: I had to get up at 6:30 AM and drag myself out of bed. I showered and had to drive to the doctor’s office without eating anything. I get there and they didn’t have the order for the blood work in my chart so I had to wait an hour for someone to fax it from the other office. They took 4…FOUR vials of blood and I didn’t get home until it was almost lunchtime. Then I could show you a photo of the guy sticking a needle into my arm. Hmmm…exactly the same day and the same circumstances. But the first one was “embellished” and the second one was a total downer. Life is what we make of it and how we decide to look at it.
Spoken like a true champion. GOD isn’t finished with you yet!!!!!!!!
Your sister in Christ
Big Hugs,
Theresa
I am one of the lurkers you spoke of but today I will make a comment. I have enjoyed your blog for quite some time now. I too am a divorced woman who raised two children by myself, with Jesus’ help of course. My older child is mentally handicapped. Certainly life isn’t what I expected but He did say, ” I am with you always”. He has been more than with me, He sustains me. To God be the glory.
I’m one of your lurkers but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you and your sharing. You are an inspiration. Many blessings to you!
Your blog is what got me hooked on blogs! It is refreshing to find someone who is authentic about her disappointments and hurts and remains steadfast in her faith. He will carry you through and you will continue to find blessings and joy in your journey.
Rhoda,
Just wanted to let you know there are better days coming your way! I was in this spot about 9 years ago. 41 years old, with 2 small children and no job. I was abandoned by my husband of many years and left with nothing. I did not have a college education or anything to fall back on. In fact I had about $20 to my name after he cleaned out the accounts. I had to make tough decisions, get a job and started classes to get my degree. My children did not have the carefree childhood I wanted for them, but they had a mother who loved them. I had a God that loved all of us and he saw me through some very tough times. Today, I have a great job, a home of my own and my children are in high school. I was alone for a while, but God sent me the most wonderful man. We dated a very long time ( yes, I was very gunshy after what I had been through) and eventually married 2 years ago. Sometimes,I can hardly believe what I went through. But God is faithful to restore to you everything the enemy has stolen from you! Never doubt it!
Dear Rhoda – I don’t know all details of what happened, nor is there need. It is obvious you have been through, and are still going through, a very difficult time in your life. But I have no doubt you are not only a survivor but a victor and an achiever. With God’s help and love, you will persevere and come out even stronger, my friend. I am so happy you are able to blog full time. It is my greatest passion. If its meant to be then so be it. Until then…Corporate World calls. 🙁 Stay strong, stay positive, believe in fate…and never, ever give up! Hugs.
Hi Rhoda!
You are so brave to have shared your thoughts, to reveal the not-so-pretty-side of your life. I’ve been guilty, I think, of trying to keep the scary parts of my life out of my posts and away from my readers, but since we lost our home in a storm 6months ago, I felt unsure how to proceed with my blog. My motivation and inspiration was zapped right out of me, and it has just been too hard to pretend otherwise.
I would think about everyone else out there, writing those “happy, feel-good,” posts, and couldn’t see how Heart and Home would continue to fit the niche I had been a part of for the past year or so. Usually, I am a very honest person, and although I alluded to the way I had been feeling after losing my dad, restoring his (empty) home after a flood, sending my first-born off to college, then losing our home, dealing with things mostly alone because my husband travels a lot for work,( and we have the 23 yrs of marriage yucky stuff to deal with, too!!), plus all the responsibilities that come with being a mom, things had just gotten so built up and heavy and difficult, that I felt I couldn’t post any more, until I had things figured out. It does feel good to know there are others out there who are going through life-changing events, that life is not always as rosy as it appears in photographs, and that it is not just my imagination! I do believe in a greater power for good, I know there is tremendous power in prayer and positive thought, and those are the beliefs that I cling to after a long day spent documenting our losses for the insurance, or dealing with irate bankers or contractors or family members. I commend you for always staying so positive, for having such strong faith, for keeping a smile on that beautiful face of yours! You have a lot of friends out here in cyber-space, people whom you’ve never met but are rooting for you every step of the way.
Yours was the 2nd blog I ever read (or had heard of, for that matter!) You helped me get started when I e-mailed you with lots of beginner questions, you’ve always been a bright and shining star to me! And I know things are only going to get better and better for you.
Thank you Rhoda, stay well and enjoy your time with your folks, what a wonderful gift of togetherness you’ve been given. (I miss my mom and dad everyday.)
I always read your posts but lately haven’t left many comments. I guess this long-winded one makes up for my silence these past few months!
Anyway, you have a friend and supporter out here in California, and I send hugs your way.
xo
Heidi
Rhoda,
You are SOOOO right that sometimes everyone else seems to be leading a totally charming life. My ex-husband always used to say, “You never know the WHOLE story.” And that is so true. I divorced that man after 30 years of not so blissful matrimony. Sure, I was terrified of being alone for the rest of my life but guess what? I’ve met the greatest guy who shares all the same interests. I’ve been following your blog as far back as the green office nook that I absolutely fell in love with. And I have a green scrapbook room with black accents to show for that inspiration. You are so blessed to have both parents still with you and even though I’m sure it feels somewhat uncomfortable being back under their roof 24/7, one day when they’re gone you’ll be SO GLAD you had that time with them. When you announced that you were moving back home, I really expected that you would stop blogging but I’m so happy you hung in there. You are a true inspiration. Take care, my friend.
Thanks for sharing about your journey. There is so much uncertainity with the economy right now and I’m going to share your blog today with a friend of mine. She’s not dealing with the same things you are but she is still going through a very rough time and I know what you shared will help her. Thank you so much for being so very honest. God is our source and it’s so very important to tell those that don’t know about His love and guidance how He can sustain us even in our darkest hour.
Hi Rhoda
I read your story tonight with sadness. My life is not what I had mapped out for myself years ago. I am also in my mid 50’s and single again. I was thinking about where am I, and decided I seem to be waiting for the next chapter to begin. I decided last week that the next chapter will never start unless I begin it myself. So I’m starting over again. I hope we both are really happy this time next year!
What a wonderful testimony – Rhoda – you have helped so many by being so transparent! You blog is truly a blessing.
Hey Rhoda,
So enjoyed your post today. I know it has touched the hearts of many of your readers including mine. My husband and I pray for you daily and know the Lord is going to continue to use you no matter where he takes you.
Rhonda, your blog was the first one I discovered and starting reading. I don’t blog myself, so I guess I am a stalking lurker. I read every post you write; some of them more than once. You are an inspiration and your reliance and dependency on God sets an example for all of us. At this time, my life certainly isn’t what I had thought it would be. For the first time since childhood (I’m in my late 50s) I am not optimistic about where my family will be in the future. Your post reminds me that God is on His throne exactly where He has always been. There are no maverick molecules; He is in control. Thank you, Rhoda.
Oh yes you are a testimony Rhoda! Good old Streams in the Desert, that raises me up each and every day. The imagery is so beautiful and meaningful, and hits home in good times and bad. Thank you for hitting submit today. My prayer for you is continued growth in business and faith in the Lord. And health for you and yours. God Bless you Rhoda.
Dear Rhoda,
Thank you SO much for your testimony. I know you are blessed to be so eloquent in your blogs about yourself; in doing that you are a blessing to many others.
In Ps 50:15 it says ‘Call upon me in the day of trouble…’
God answers:
1. Yes
2. No
3. Wait
4. Here is something better for you.
I feel He is defintely saying to you, ‘Rhoda, here is something better for you’.
May God bless you in wonderful and unexpected ways.
God bless you, Rhoda. I didn’t know you were going through this… but your post was a true set up for God’s glory in and through your life and present circumstances. I will be praying for you as the Lord brings you to mind.
Thank you for your transparancy…
Jennifer
Wow, Rhoda,
As I am reading all the 231 comments here,it is so apparent what a ministry to others you have , and continue, through this” left turn in the road” as you so gracefully put it! I would venture to say these 231
( and counting!)are but a microcosm of the many other reactions experienced today as we have all once again been so touched and blessed by your story, and the grace God is pouring out on you, as you walk humbly with Him.I ‘ll go further and say, most all of us thought of someone else we would like to share this post with to be an uplift and encouragement.
At the initial shock of the news last year, I feared along with others who look forward to your daily blogs, that you might have to give it up ….. but look what God had in mind for you instead! Yours is such a powerful story of total trust and dependence on Him, and your determination to keep on , even as you returned to your parents home…. you never gave up, or gave in , to bitter despair,-and with your indomitable spirit continually inspire and encourage all of us daily.You’ve never made “Soon -to be-Ex” the focus( and in fact,he’s really beside the point now, isn’t he?) and you’ve never chosen to be a “victim”. Your story is about the relationship you have with your Heavenly Father first, and the sweet family He had for you, from the beginning…. and that’s why we are all so attracted to everything you write about…..because your writing is really all about … LOVE!
A pastor acquaintance I admire says often, “God redeems all that He allows”….. You are being used so powerfully in this time of personal upheaval- I just know God will bless you mightily for the way you have remained steadfast in your faith and as you encourage each of us as we live our ” not-quite-ready-for -the -photo-shoot ” lives!
Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Rhonda,
Wow, you are an amazing, Godly woman. You have a fabulous attitude and you are right. God is taking care of you, he will continue to. I look forward to hearing good things from you to come!