Life is Not A Magazine Cover

Today is one of those posts that I take a deep breath, click the Publish button and hope for the best.

In the going on 5 years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve shared bits and pieces of my personal life along the way.  If you had told me then that I would be a full time blogger in 2011, single again, without a home of my own, and living with my elderly parents, I would not have believed it.  That would not even have seemed a possibility to me at the time.  You just can’t plan for things like that to happen in life.  Sometimes life takes a sharp left turn and you are not prepared for it.

{Two of my treasures, one of which is never too old to sit in her granddaddy’s lap}

This is not going to be a downer post, but rather one that I hope uplifts, gives glory where glory is due and gives all of you out there the shot in the arm that you might need to believe that things can be good.  From bad.  Faith is the key word here.

As blogging has gotten so popular in the last few years, we are all invited into each others home.  Even encouraged to peek in the windows.  How many times have you clicked on a blog and looked at the pretty pictures of the home, the homeowner, the homeowner’s beautiful children and cute husband and figured she has it all together?  I doubt that is true in  real life.  None of us totally have it all together.

But the blog world sure can paint a pretty picture.  We are what we portray on our blogs to the world.  No one truly knows all that goes on behind the scenes of anyone’s life, but our friends and family.  Those folks get to see the real us all the time.  So, it’s easy to be a little wistful when we see a gorgeous home, beautiful family and think that person is so, so fortunate to be living such a good life.  A dreamy life.  Those glossy magazine picture perfect pics can be deceiving and no one lives the perfect life.

{Mother’s Day, 2011:  my sister, Renee, Mom, Lauren and me}

My life certainly hasn’t been perfect by any means.  I have been transparent at times, but I’ll spare you all the gory details of my bad choices, disappointing failures, and marital non-bliss that have been such a part of my life.  You know from what I’ve shared this year, that it’s been a heartbreaking one for me on many levels.  Life just doesn’t always turn out the way we plan or dream or hope for.  That, my friends, is reality.

But, I’m here to tell you that there is a silver lining to the black clouds.  There is hope in the midst of a storm.  There is a new day and a brighter tomorrow.  We all go through trials and pain and sorrow in life.  There is no escaping that.  The Bible gives us plenty of clues that life just ain’t always a bed of roses.  God allows us to walk in the rain and brings storms into our lives, sometimes for months and we can’t always see where that is leading.

What good could possibly come out of all of the bad?

I do not have all the answers, but I’m here to give some of you hope.  I’m a middle-aged woman in the midst of a life crisis.  It’s not over yet.  I’m in the middle of getting a divorce.  My soon-to-be (I hope) ex-husband is in jail for good reasons, related to, but none of which have anything to do with the financial devastation he has done to me (for those of you waiting for some scoop, there you go!). Maybe one day I will write that book, you never know.  It is certainly an interesting story, one that I am still in disbelief over the fact that it has been a part of my life.

So, life goes on.  I am alone again.  I have no idea if I’ll ever find (true) love again.  Do I hope that there is love for me in the future?  Yes, yes I do.  If God allows it, my heart would be open to it.  In the meantime, I will keep doing what He has allowed me to do and continue on the path He has led me on. I will be patient and wait.

I started my own business about 3 years ago, which grew out of this blog.  I love being creative and always dreamed of doing something other than working in the Corporate world and when I started blogging almost 5 years ago, I had no idea that it would turn into my dream job.  Working from home.  Sharing decorating and design inspiration.  Talking about my travels.  Sharing my family with all of you. Cooking recipes.  Getting to go on fun trips.  Doing life.  I’m so, so grateful that God allowed it to blossom and bloom into what it is now.  I’m so fortunate that He has blessed me so much just since I moved back home with my parents in April.  So many new doors have opened and opportunities have come my way.  It makes me all teary-eyed to think about it.

Is there anything I’ve done to make this happen?  No, not at all.  God has done it for me.  I’m not getting rich from blogging, by any means. But, he has allowed this to become my source of income.  Something that I love to do.  Some days, I will tell you that I get sad and a little down, remembering what I used to have.  I had a nice house, 2 of them in fact.  Now I have neither. I miss having a house that is mine to do with what I want to do.  I miss being creative and having fun with that.  Being a blogger can just magnify that part too.

But, you know what?  That is OK.   I have to believe that I will have a house again.  So many folks in this country are going through hard times.  Many have lost jobs and lost homes.  These are tough times.  I am not alone.  I’m learning to appreciate the small things in life and be content in my circumstances.  Peace and contentment cannot be purchased.  They are priceless.  I may never have the financial security I thought I once had again.  That is up to the Lord too.

I have to remind myself daily that I’ve got SO much to be thankful for and believe me, I AM thankful.  God has allowed me to still have my parents at my age.  They could easily have been gone already, but they are here for me.  They love me unconditionally and give me the emotional support I need all the time, as do my whole family and my wonderful friends.  I am grateful for all of them!

So, if you are going through a hard time, let me just remind you, that God is still there.  He cares.  Ask Him to help you and He will.  He might not do it the way you expect, but He will always, always take care of his children.  I’m a testimony to that.  I have no idea what my future holds.  This whole blogging thing just might blow up and we all may be on the street and if it does, that is OK too.  I know that He will take care of me.

Let me just take this opportunity to once again thank all of YOU out there who faithfully come to visit me.  Each and every day.  Many of you just lurk and never leave comments and that is OK too.  I know you are out there and I’m grateful that you take a little bit of your precious time each day to spend with me.  I don’t take that for granted.

If you have always dreamed of doing something from home (or not from home) and never had the chance, I want to encourage you to give it a try.  You never know if you don’t try.  I started my business with the hopes of having a full fledged decorating business and it has turned out not so much about that as being able to write and share about decorating through this blog.  I would love to develop that side of my business more and maybe it will come with time.  In  the meantime, I continue to do what I’m doing and as long as it is blessed, I will stay on this road.  I consider this blog my ministry of sorts too.

Don’t give up!  If you have dreams that have never been fulfilled, don’t give up.  It’s not too late.  If I can reinvent myself in my mid-50’s, you can certainly do it too.  Follow your heart.  Follow your dreams and do what you are passionate about and I truly believe you will find a way to be successful at it.

So, that’s it!  That’s my pep talk for today.  I hope my being vulnerable will help someone else realize that you, too have much to offer and a God-given talent that you can use as well, to fulfill those long ago dreams that you might have been putting off.  Waiting for another day.

As the old Nike tag line says, Just Do It!

What are you dreaming of?  Please tell me, I want to know.Is there something you’ve wanted to try and haven’t because of fear or uncertainty?

{I’ve been camping out in the old Streams in the Desert devotional this year and there are some great nuggets in there.  Psalms 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy oh Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of your hands}.