Today is one of those posts that I take a deep breath, click the Publish button and hope for the best.
In the going on 5 years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve shared bits and pieces of my personal life along the way. If you had told me then that I would be a full time blogger in 2011, single again, without a home of my own, and living with my elderly parents, I would not have believed it. That would not even have seemed a possibility to me at the time. You just can’t plan for things like that to happen in life. Sometimes life takes a sharp left turn and you are not prepared for it.
{Two of my treasures, one of which is never too old to sit in her granddaddy’s lap}
This is not going to be a downer post, but rather one that I hope uplifts, gives glory where glory is due and gives all of you out there the shot in the arm that you might need to believe that things can be good. From bad. Faith is the key word here.
As blogging has gotten so popular in the last few years, we are all invited into each others home. Even encouraged to peek in the windows. How many times have you clicked on a blog and looked at the pretty pictures of the home, the homeowner, the homeowner’s beautiful children and cute husband and figured she has it all together? I doubt that is true in real life. None of us totally have it all together.
But the blog world sure can paint a pretty picture. We are what we portray on our blogs to the world. No one truly knows all that goes on behind the scenes of anyone’s life, but our friends and family. Those folks get to see the real us all the time. So, it’s easy to be a little wistful when we see a gorgeous home, beautiful family and think that person is so, so fortunate to be living such a good life. A dreamy life. Those glossy magazine picture perfect pics can be deceiving and no one lives the perfect life.
{Mother’s Day, 2011: my sister, Renee, Mom, Lauren and me}
My life certainly hasn’t been perfect by any means. I have been transparent at times, but I’ll spare you all the gory details of my bad choices, disappointing failures, and marital non-bliss that have been such a part of my life. You know from what I’ve shared this year, that it’s been a heartbreaking one for me on many levels. Life just doesn’t always turn out the way we plan or dream or hope for. That, my friends, is reality.
But, I’m here to tell you that there is a silver lining to the black clouds. There is hope in the midst of a storm. There is a new day and a brighter tomorrow. We all go through trials and pain and sorrow in life. There is no escaping that. The Bible gives us plenty of clues that life just ain’t always a bed of roses. God allows us to walk in the rain and brings storms into our lives, sometimes for months and we can’t always see where that is leading.
What good could possibly come out of all of the bad?
I do not have all the answers, but I’m here to give some of you hope. I’m a middle-aged woman in the midst of a life crisis. It’s not over yet. I’m in the middle of getting a divorce. My soon-to-be (I hope) ex-husband is in jail for good reasons, related to, but none of which have anything to do with the financial devastation he has done to me (for those of you waiting for some scoop, there you go!). Maybe one day I will write that book, you never know. It is certainly an interesting story, one that I am still in disbelief over the fact that it has been a part of my life.
So, life goes on. I am alone again. I have no idea if I’ll ever find (true) love again. Do I hope that there is love for me in the future? Yes, yes I do. If God allows it, my heart would be open to it. In the meantime, I will keep doing what He has allowed me to do and continue on the path He has led me on. I will be patient and wait.
I started my own business about 3 years ago, which grew out of this blog. I love being creative and always dreamed of doing something other than working in the Corporate world and when I started blogging almost 5 years ago, I had no idea that it would turn into my dream job. Working from home. Sharing decorating and design inspiration. Talking about my travels. Sharing my family with all of you. Cooking recipes. Getting to go on fun trips. Doing life. I’m so, so grateful that God allowed it to blossom and bloom into what it is now. I’m so fortunate that He has blessed me so much just since I moved back home with my parents in April. So many new doors have opened and opportunities have come my way. It makes me all teary-eyed to think about it.
Is there anything I’ve done to make this happen? No, not at all. God has done it for me. I’m not getting rich from blogging, by any means. But, he has allowed this to become my source of income. Something that I love to do. Some days, I will tell you that I get sad and a little down, remembering what I used to have. I had a nice house, 2 of them in fact. Now I have neither. I miss having a house that is mine to do with what I want to do. I miss being creative and having fun with that. Being a blogger can just magnify that part too.
But, you know what? That is OK. I have to believe that I will have a house again. So many folks in this country are going through hard times. Many have lost jobs and lost homes. These are tough times. I am not alone. I’m learning to appreciate the small things in life and be content in my circumstances. Peace and contentment cannot be purchased. They are priceless. I may never have the financial security I thought I once had again. That is up to the Lord too.
I have to remind myself daily that I’ve got SO much to be thankful for and believe me, I AM thankful. God has allowed me to still have my parents at my age. They could easily have been gone already, but they are here for me. They love me unconditionally and give me the emotional support I need all the time, as do my whole family and my wonderful friends. I am grateful for all of them!
So, if you are going through a hard time, let me just remind you, that God is still there. He cares. Ask Him to help you and He will. He might not do it the way you expect, but He will always, always take care of his children. I’m a testimony to that. I have no idea what my future holds. This whole blogging thing just might blow up and we all may be on the street and if it does, that is OK too. I know that He will take care of me.
Let me just take this opportunity to once again thank all of YOU out there who faithfully come to visit me. Each and every day. Many of you just lurk and never leave comments and that is OK too. I know you are out there and I’m grateful that you take a little bit of your precious time each day to spend with me. I don’t take that for granted.
If you have always dreamed of doing something from home (or not from home) and never had the chance, I want to encourage you to give it a try. You never know if you don’t try. I started my business with the hopes of having a full fledged decorating business and it has turned out not so much about that as being able to write and share about decorating through this blog. I would love to develop that side of my business more and maybe it will come with time. In the meantime, I continue to do what I’m doing and as long as it is blessed, I will stay on this road. I consider this blog my ministry of sorts too.
Don’t give up! If you have dreams that have never been fulfilled, don’t give up. It’s not too late. If I can reinvent myself in my mid-50’s, you can certainly do it too. Follow your heart. Follow your dreams and do what you are passionate about and I truly believe you will find a way to be successful at it.
So, that’s it! That’s my pep talk for today. I hope my being vulnerable will help someone else realize that you, too have much to offer and a God-given talent that you can use as well, to fulfill those long ago dreams that you might have been putting off. Waiting for another day.
As the old Nike tag line says, Just Do It!
What are you dreaming of? Please tell me, I want to know.Is there something you’ve wanted to try and haven’t because of fear or uncertainty?
{I’ve been camping out in the old Streams in the Desert devotional this year and there are some great nuggets in there. Psalms 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy oh Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of your hands}.
xenia says
Your words have encouraged me! Thank you, Rhoda. Last night i spoke to my dear friend, Becky. after sharing our past struggles and our need to acknowledge and trust God with every detail of our lives… especially for our children and our future…
we both agreed that all these amazing upheavals do bring us to let go more and more and realize that God desires for us Himself and we need Him to be first in our lives… our everything… then the peace comes, then the relationship with Him is alive and then He leads us in the sensitivity needed for others.
Well, it has been good to meet another soul who loves God!
– Xenia
Pinky says
Rhoda, you can see from the # of comments that you are a true inspiration to SO many! I so admire how you have traveled this journey. I had no idea your (hopefully) ex was in jail til now. I am so sorry. You are a brave woman to put that out there. God bless you in this coming year and I hope you DO find that TRUE love! XO, Pinky
Weeser1 says
Dear Rhoda,
I Love your blog , so much. I”ve read it a few times . This morning since Iam up , we are sitting a Bassett hound that gets up & went back to sleep…Iam so sorry for what has happened & hope the New Year brings a new story . Having gone thru two divorces myself , it wasn’t easy . Being single for 18 years ( previously) actually was not that bad. I learned to Love it. Many friends and freedoms went with it. If I wanted to go out for coffee late at night , I did. If I wanted to go out for a drink , to a show, there were friends that could go too. It was a learning time & it brought alot of independance . Eighteen years after my Divorce , I married a guy that had been a friend for most of my life. He has an old Resort property that was in very bad shape. Buildings from 1930’s .We have been restoring it for five years , now. Coming into this , was not easy . We are both in our late 50’s , with grown children & grand children . The hardest part was standing my ground in the business end of the property . Then came the battle of his ex. Long gone but not forgotten. According to her ideas of what she thought , she still owned . But had long since expired, by law. Thus ,life took took another turn. It was to help my husband sort out the truth & or the balance , in the game of owning a run down business that has such a potential – that has never been tapped. I wish many new chapters in you life also. It seems God does steer us.
Pam says
Rhoda, I have been reading and “lurking” at your blog for a few months now and have not written a comment……I am one of “those”! However, today after reading your Part 1 of starting a blog, I had to comment, as God really used you to speak to my heart. We are in SEAsia (and have been for 1 1/2years) on a little side trip God has taken us. However, we are due to go back to the US in April. I have been toying with the idea of starting to blog. You have encouraged me to do just that….share my passion for what I love…..thrifting, decorating, repurposing! We sold everything to come here so it will be fun to document our “starting over”. Also, like you our life has changed with my husband losing his retirement when the company declared bankruptcy. Thanks for your encouragement and transparency. Love Streams in the Desert…by the way! Blessings to you!
Christina says
Thanks for sharing, I’ve stumbled upon your blog several times, keep finding myself revisiting daily. I’m so new to blogging and I’ve been reading your blog for the last hour, skipping around from story to story. I of course have absolutely zero idea what I’m doing but after reading your Part 1&2 to blogging, I’m okay with that. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I have yet again, been inspired 🙂
Allyson says
It is this sweet, sweet spirit that drew me into your blog, and I have so enjoyed sharing life with you. As I move forward in my own little bloggy journey, I am thankful that you still share with and inspire us even when life isn’t ideal. I am so touched that you are allowing me to feature your blog, and I really am thankful for people like you who share and encourage all of us, even when you may not realize it.
Allyson
http://cupcakescandycanes.blogspot.com
Jodi Niles says
I too am one of your blog readers for years that has not had the courage to post a comment. I have read your blog for years. I also was in the very same position of my marriage ending when your was and felt like I was not alone when reading your blog. I too wanted to thank you and let you know I admire you from a far.
Keep up the GREAT work.
God Bless~
Jodi
LM says
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve been following you for quite sometime now but never really read your personal story until today. I myself is in the midst of a similar storm with losing my home, financial ruins and pretty much a step from being homeless. By reading your story you gave me hope that there will be a silver lining. I am struggling with my faith that it will get better but reading this has proved to me that it will. I am so glad I read your story today……it’s encouraging me to walk by faith! You are an inspiration and for that I thank you because this is just what I needed today……a story of hope!
beth says
If I could tell you my story I would. I have gone through something similar to you. God had given me promises and I can tell you He has come through on each one. There were prayers I prayed when I was married for the both of us and He has continued to answer those prayers. He is faithful and true. I hope things are going better for your now. I just found this blog and see what a beautiful and encouraging person you are. Keep Him close. He is in your corner every second.
Chelle says
I just today found your blog via Mr. Goodwill Hunting, whom I also only recently discovered. I returned to school this past January, wow, a year already, at the age of 43. I was terrified to do it, but my 4 kids & my husband were so encouraging & supportive that I was able to find my courage & go for it.
I was given tickets to fly out to CA to visit my eldest brother & his family, and then a niece from my other brother for Christmas that winter and it made my year end on such a lovely note. So off I flew, out of the bitter PA winter & into sunny, warm southern California. Three days into my vacation my niece & I were hit by a semi-trailer while driving in her sports coupe. It was a bad wreck & we are both still recovering from that wreck.
Three days after the accident I had to fly home, two days after that I had to begin my classes, with an hour commute one way to school, then home again. It has been an adventure to say the least. But I have made the most amazing, strong Christian women friends, and I have earned Dean’s List every single quarter.
4 days ago I dropped my baby girl, my youngest daughter, off at college down in VA. It was a bittersweet ordeal; so proud of her, so happy for her also, but sad in part to leave her there. My eldest has earned 2 degrees, my youngest now at the private university she dreamed of, and my middle daughter attends the same school I do…and she’s also expecting my first grandchild who is due nearly early Feb.
Life is good, it is surprising, winding, twisting, turning, and often leaves me breathless…sometimes in wonder, sometimes in shock, but the adventure is such a ride.
{darlene} says
I love you Rhoda.
I am so blessed to call you friend.
that is all 🙂
terri says
RHODA! i just now read ‘your story’…..and i am honored that you have chose to share such an intimate part of your life with the world. Blessings to you for making lemonade out of your lemons! i truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I have had plenty of lemons thrown at me and yes, while we are able to cry and feel sorry for ourselves, it really doesnt benefit anyone….(except just make us fee worse!!!) i feel that i am now at a point in my life where i am independent, i do not ‘need’ the security of a man in my life to make me happy. i am content with my home, my girls, my dog and the things that i have at this very moment! you were so dead on, when you said that so many times we look inside the homes of other bloggers and wish what they had or wish for something else then what is our current situation. i am a firm believer in, you never know what goes on behind closed doors…….and i will never judge anyone or anything, because until you walk in that person’s shoes, who are we to pass judgement! anyway, thanks for really making an impact on me this morning. i love your blog and reading of your travels! best of luck in everything you do! i am sure with your heart and spirit you will continue to grow each and every day! xo
Oma says
Dearest Rhoda,
I have admired you since the start…and I admire you now even more…
Sharing the good and the “lemony stuff” together..lol…only makes visiting with you the high light of my day….
Consider me always…
Your friend in South Texas
Oma Elisa
Sandi says
I’m a new subscriber to your blog and just read this post. I know it has been several months now, but I’m sure the pain is still very real. It was very brave to reveal so much of your personal life and I hope you know what an inspiration it was to read. I, too, have gone through a difficult time and can assure you there is something much better waiting. I wish you the very best, and PLEASE, keep blogging!
Erica says
Rhoda,
I have been following you since 2008 and knew you were going through a rough time but had no clue of the magnitude, guess I missed this post!
I LOVE your blog and believe you are such a success because you do keep it real. You have been a great inspiration for me. I have been reading your blogging stories lately and FINALLY decided I am just going to do it already – I’m starting my own blog – because of you! It is something I have wanted to do for a few years and now our baby is one and I am not working outside of the home. I signed up for bluehost through your site last week. Now I’m off to a new adventure!
Thanks for sharing such a personal part of your life. You are always so positive, I love that about you!
I’m glad to hear new doors have opened for you and I’m sure there will be many more to come!
I look forward to your posts when I see them hit my inbox!
God Bless
Patty says
Rhoda…I always liked your blog, but I came to LOVE it when you opened your closet door and I realized how real and down-to-earth you are! Your closet was just like mine! And yes, we’ve all been tested and been through so many trials…..I don’t know about you, but if all this is making me stronger…I must make the Hulk look wimpy! God bless you as you’ve begun a new year and I pray this year will be better than last! xoxo
heidi says
Rhoda,
I so admire your grace. I look at those pictures of your beautiful old house, and I can’t help but think that I would be very bitter and resentful were I forced to give up such a lovely home and move in with my folks!
You remind me of my own mama (also mid fifties, also single, also a total knock-out). I guess I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your blog and you’re quite an inspiration.
Love,
H
cathy @ wonderfullifeinteriors says
I feel blessed! Found your blog today….keep on keeping the faith! Be blessed in life and love!
Jeanne says
I just stumbled on your blog today. I am in (somewhat) of the same boat! Last March I received a text message requesting a divorce! It was final in December and I am mid-50s starting over as well. I was lucky enough to be able to keep my (small) house and have a job. So I’m starting on square 1 (or maybe square 2, hee) again, reinventing and such. Life certainly does take twists and turns. Good luck to you.
Alice says
May the Lord continue to bless you and give you strength.